Contact: Michael Garin | michaelgarinnyc@gmail.com | (917) 345-6781
OUR OFFICIAL DEMO RECORDINGS ARE HERE!
a magical madcap musical comedy
Music & Lyrics by Michael Garin
Book by Mardie Millit
Inspired by the book Mary Astor's Purple Diary by Edward Sorel
Director/Show Sherpa: Carl Andress
Musical Director/Arranger: Lon Hoyt
Demo Producer: Stuart Allyn
Engineer: John Kilgore
Recorded at John Kilgore Studios, NYC
CONTACT: Michael Garin
(917) 345-6781
CAST:
Kate Baldwin (Mary Astor)
Max Crumm (Ed Sorel)
Edward Juvier (William Harrison Hays/Alexander Woollcott/Ensemble)
Mardie Millit (Ruth Chatterton/Florabel Muir/Dorothy Parker/Edna Ferber/Ensemble)
Michael Garin (Sam Goldwyn/Moss Hart/Ensemble)
Billy Stritch, piano and Ensemble on "Trial of the Century"
Lon Hoyt, piano
Conrad Korsch, bass
John Miller, bass on "That's Not Me, That's Him"
Mary Astor's Purple Diary is a musical fairy tale for adults, inspired by Edward Sorel's best-selling book of the same name. It's a fizzy little cocktail of a musical about a Hollywood sex scandal, love, obsession, growing up, and the media's role in celebrity culture, with a bit of magic along the way.
The real "Purple Diary" was the biggest sex scandal of 1936 — a post-divorce custody battle between a sexually liberated female Hollywood star, Mary Astor, and her controlling ex-husband. Our hero, Ed, an illustrator, becomes obsessed with the star and her seemingly glamorous life. Things heat up when Mary herself magically appears to set things straight. It takes a whole gaggle of Old Hollywood names, Broadway playwrights, and half of the Algonquin Round Table to answer the question: "Why did she write it all down?"
That said — here's Ed!
All illustrations © Edward Sorel
TWO WAYS TO LISTEN
Stream or download the whole album below, or scroll down to play songs individually while you follow along with lyrics and notes.
A copy of the full libretto (script and lyrics) can be obtained by contacting Michael Garin at michaelgarinnyc@gmail.com or 917-345-6781.
"The Trial of the Century" — It's the opening number!
ENSEMBLE
THE TRIAL OF THE CENTURY
IN NINETEEN THIRTY-SIX
HOLLYWOOD
AND LOTS AND LOTS OF SEX
(LOTS OF SEX)
A BATTLE OVER CUSTODY
WITH LOTS OF DIRTY TRICKS
CUSTODY
AND LOTS AND LOTS OF SEX
(LOTS OF SEX)
BUT WHO COULD IMAGINE
THIRTY YEARS LATER
BENEATH A MANHATTAN
KITCHEN FLOOR
LINOLEUM
BEING REPLACED
WILL THE FLOOR
BECOME THE DOOR
THE DOOR THAT
UNLOCKS BOTH
TIME AND SPACE
AND HEY
WE LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE
WITH THE PLACE
CONFUSING
YOU BET
AND A BIT BIZARRE
AND OH BY THE WAY
THERE'S A REAL COOL BAR
ENSEMBLE MEMBER 1
(LOTS OF SEX!)
ENSEMBLE MEMBER 2
(spoken)
Not yet!
(DANCE BREAK)
THE TRIAL OF THE CENTURY
(UNTIL THERE IS ANOTHER)
HOLLYWOOD
AND LOTS AND LOTS OF
EM 2
(spoken)
Now!
EM 1
LOTS OF SEX!
BUT BACK IN OLD MANHATTAN
THE MANHATTAN OF THE FUTURE
AN ARTIST WITH
SELF DOUBT
ON HIS MIND
MANHATTAN
AN ARTIST
SELF DOUBT
DID YOU REALLY THINK
THERE'S ANY OTHER KIND
HE NEEDS TO FIND HIS WAY
AND SHE NEEDS TO KEEP HER DAUGHTER
CAN PHYSICS AND LOGIC
GO HAVE COFFEE
FOR AT LEAST
HOUR AND A QUARTER
THE TRIAL OF THE CENTURY
A MODERN ILLUSTRATOR
ADDING TO THE CHAOS
THAT'S
SURE TO VEX
PAST AND PRESENT
SPINNING LIKE A
ROLODEX
ATOP THE VOWEL OF LIFE
LIKE A BAWDY
CIRCUMFLEX
AND LOTS AND LOTS
AND LOTS AND LOTS
AND LOTS AND LOTS
AND LOTS AND LOTS OF SEX
THAT SAID
HERE'S ED
“Eddie Schwartz” and “Lucile Vasconcellos Langhanke” — Ed and Mary tell the stories of their name changes.
(These two songs will be sung separately and then as a counterpoint duet.)
ED
EDDIE SCHWARTZ
FROM THE BRONX
DREAMING
DRAWING
SHAPES ON A SHIRT BOARD
MAKING A FACE
EDDIE SCHWARTZ
FROM THE BRONX
DREAMING
SCHEMING
ALL OF MY WORK
ALL OVER THE PLACE
IN NEWSPAPERS
MAGAZINES
ALL WILL ATTEST
TO ILLUSTRIOUS
ILLUSTRATOR
ED
THE BEST
EDDIE SCHWARTZ
FROM THE BRONX
LUNCH AT LUCHOW’S
DINE AT DELMONICO’S
DAZZLING FANS
EDDIE SCHWARTZ
FROM THE BRONX
HAD A FATHER
WHO HAD OTHER PLANS
YOU HAVE NO TALENT
YOU’RE WORTHLESS
A BOY GETTING KICKED IN THE SOUL
A FATHER DESTROYING
THE HOPE OF A SON
HOW COULD HE TAKE BACK CONTROL
YOU’RE ONLY AS GOOD AS
YOUR NAME THEY SAY
AND CRUSHING A DREAM
HAS A PRICE TO PAY
SO THE SCHWARTZ
I ABORTZ
AND THE WORLD
I CAN TELL
TODAY
I AM A MAN
NAMED EDWARD SOREL
EDDIE SCHWARTZ
FROM THE BRONX
DOESN’T LIVE HERE
DOESN’T SOUND FAMILIAR
WHERE COULD HE BE
EDDIE SCHWARTZ
FROM THE BRONX
EDDIE SCHWARTZ
FROM THE BRONX
ONCE UPON A TIME
HE WAS ME
ED
And you — I remember reading that someone in Hollywood gave you the name Mary Astor.
MARY
It was New York, but yes. Because it sounded upper crust.
ED
Your real name was…something long…and terrible.
MARY
LUCILE VASCONCELLOS LANGHANKEWOULDN'T FIT
ON A MOVIE
MARQUEE
LUCILE VASCONCELLOS LANGHANKE
ONCE UPON A TIME
SHE WAS
ME
TILL SOMEBODY
SOMEWHERE
SAW SOMETHING
IN ME
LIKE RUBES
AT A CARNY
THEY ALL TRY
TO WIN ME
LUCILE VASCONCELLOS LANGHANKE
WHAT IS SHE DOING
TONIGHT
LUCILE VASCONCELLOS LANGHANKE
GEE I HOPE
SHE'S ALL
RIGHT
IS SHE SETTING
THE TABLE
FOR DINNER
IS THE MAN OF HER DREAMS
ALMOST HOME
HAVE THE TWINS
WASHED THEIR
HANDS AFTER
PLAYING OUTSIDE
IN THIS HER DECREED
PLEASURE DOME
NORMALCY SEEMS
EXOTIC
WHEN SEEN
FROM THE HOLLYWOOD
HILLS
SOMEHOW IT'S
COMICAL
THIS FATE
ANATOMICAL
LEAVES ME
LONGING FOR
EVERYDAY THRILLS
LUCILE VASCONCELLOS LANGHANKE
NEVER FIT
ON A MOVIE
MARQUEE
LUCILE VASCONCELLOS LANGHANKE
ONCE UPON A TIME
SHE WAS
ME
"He Called Me Goopher" — Mary sings about her first love, John Barrymore.
MARY:
HE MADE ME FEEL
SMART
WHICH MADE ME FEEL
PRETTY
AND THE MEMORY
MAKES ME WINCE
NO ONE CARED
WHAT I
THOUGHT BEFORE
AND HARDLY
ANYONE SINCE
HE CALLED ME
GOOPHER
HE LISTENED
TO WHAT I SAID
AND WHAT I FELT
HE CALLED ME
GOOPHER
I MATTERED
NOT A NOTCH
ON A BELT
HE LOOKED
INTO MY EYES
AND SAW
THE ESSENCE
OF BEATEN DOWN
AND BULLIED
ACQUIESCENCE
COULD I SAY
WHAT'S ON MY MIND
WITHOUT A SHUSHING
OR A SHOUT
DID I SUDDENLY
HAVE FREEDOM
DID I SUDDENLY
HAVE CLOUT
HE CALLED ME
GOOPHER
AND I DANCED
IN HIS ARMS
HE WAS FAMOUS
AND I WAS
NOT WITHOUT
MY CHARMS
COULD I
HOLD ON TO
FEELING
THAT I HAD A VOICE
OR LOSE THE SPARK
HE FOUND IN ME
DID I EVEN HAVE
A CHOICE
HE CALLED ME
GOOPHER
HE LISTENED
HE CALLED ME
GOOPHER
HE LISTENED
“That's Not Me, That's Him” — John Barrymore sets Ed straight about the game — and the price — of fame.
ED
YOU’RE THE BIGGEST STAR
BARRYMORE
I’M A PACK OF SMOKES
ED
FOR THE COGNOSCENTI
BARRYMORE
AND THE COMMON FOLKS
ED
YOU REIGN SUPREME
ON SCREEN AND STAGE
BARRYMORE
AND WHEN THEY’RE DONE WITH ME
THEY’LL TURN THE PAGE
ED
THE CROWDS GO WILD
BARRYMORE
I’M A TOOTHPASTE TUBE
ED
YOU’RE WORLD RENOWNED
BARRYMORE
I’M A SUGAR CUBE
ED
I DON’T GET IT
BARRYMORE
I DON’T CARE
ED
WHAT AM I MISSING
BARRYMORE
THAT’S NOT ME UP THERE
THAT’S NOT ME
THAT’S HIM
FOREVER HANDSOME
YOUTHFUL AND SLIM
MY ROD AND STAFF
MY OTHER HALF
THE ONE WHO GETS
THE GIRL AND
GETS THE LAUGH
BACK IN THE HOTEL
WITH A BOTTLE OF RYE
WISHING I COULD GROW UP
TO BE THAT GUY
UNTIL THE FOOTLIGHTS SLOWLY DIM
THAT’S NOT ME
THAT’S HIM
ED
BUT I THOUGHT
BARRYMORE
AS WELL YOU SHOULD
ED
YOU’D BE HAPPY
BARRYMORE
I WOULD IF I COULD
ED
ALL THE ADORATION AND SUCCESS
BARRYMORE
HOW’D I END UP SUCH A BLOODY MESS
ED
THE WORLD WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO BE YOU
BARRYMORE
SELLING THE SWAMP IS WHAT WE DO
ED
I DON’T GET IT
BARRYMORE
I DON’T CARE
ED
AM I REALLY THAT NAIVE
BARRYMORE
LOOK THERE’S NOTHING UP MY SLEEVE
THAT’S NOT ME
THAT’S HIM
FOREVER HANDSOME
YOUTHFUL AND SLIM
MY ROD AND STAFF
MY OTHER HALF
THE ONE WHO GETS
THE GIRL AND
GETS THE LAUGH
THE SWASHBUCKLING FELLA
AS THE ARMADA SAILS
BUT ELSEWHERE ALONE
MY LIVER FAILS
UNTIL THE FOOTLIGHTS SLOWLY DIM
THAT’S NOT ME
THAT’S HIM
"Just Below the Title" — Mary explains to Ed why she never sought superstardom.
MARY
STARDOM COMES WITH WINGS OF WAX
AS ICARUS WOULD SAY
HE FELL FLAT
WITH A BIG KERSPLAT
FOR ME THERE'S A BETTER WAY
WATCH THE HERO
AND HIS LOVER DOOMED
AIDA ENDS
WHEN SHE'S ENTOMBED
I PREFER THE SECOND FIDDLE
SLEEPING HER WAY
TO THE MIDDLE
JUST BELOW THE TITLE
IS A COOL AND SHADY SPOT
A PLACE TO SIP SOME SWEET ICED TEA
WHEN THE WEATHER GETS TOO HOT
JUST BELOW THE TITLE
IS A PICNIC IN THE PARK
A RENTED FUR
AN AISLE SEAT
AND A DOG THAT DOESN'T BARK
PLAY THE BEST FRIEND
WHO'S A MURDERER
MARY WHO
I THINK I HEARD A' HER
LET THE BIG SHOTS
ROLL THE DICE
PLAY THE NEIGHBOR
A WANTON SIREN
BEWARE THE FLASHBULBS
YOU'RE ADMIRIN'
MOVIE STARS CAN FLOP
JUST ONCE
MAYBE TWICE
JUST BELOW THE TITLE
YOU'RE THE GUEST
BUT NOT THE HOST
A SWELL CORSAGE
SOME BADINAGE
AND THEN
CAVIAR AND TOAST
JUST BELOW THE TITLE
EQUALS STEADY WORK
SOME PEACE OF MIND
OF A HOLLYWOOD KIND
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PERK
WHAT A COMFORT
FOR MY CREATURING
MY NAME FOLLOWS
ALSO FEATURING
JUST BELOW THE TITLE
FROM WHENCE I'LL NEVER ROAM
JUST BELOW THE TITLE
IS MY HOME
“The Hays Office Tango (When I Make Hollywood Crawl)” — One of the important components of Mary's real-life story is the emergence of the Hays Office and its "Motion Picture Production Code." It is the carburetor that fuels a significant portion of the scandal.
HAYS
(Reciting from memory)
“No picture shall be produced that will lower the moral standards of those who see it. Hence the sympathy of the audience should never be thrown to the side of crime, wrongdoing, evil, or sin.” And more to the point — Pictures shall not infer that low forms of sex relationship are the accepted or common thing.”
MARY
Well, for starters, it’s imply, not infer. God, that drives me crazy.
HAYS
A STINKING PIT OF LUST
THAT MUST BE BUSTED
THIS VERY TYPE OF ODIUM
TURNED LOT’S WIFE INTO SODIUM
MARY
(interrupting)
Sodium chloride. Jesus!
HAYS
Do you mind?
WHERE DECENCY
HAS QUICKLY TURNED TO MUSH
WHY DELILAH
AND JEZEBEL WOULD BLUSH
WHAT IS NEEDED
IS A GOOD GOD FEARING CLEANSER
WHAT IS NEEDED
IS A GOOD GOD FEARING CENSOR
YOU CAN’T SHOW IT
AND YOU CAN’T SAY IT
WITHOUT MY SAY SO
YOU CAN’T DISPLAY IT
ALL YOUR PICTURES WILL SPUTTER AND STALL
WHEN I MAKE HOLLYWOOD CRAWL
NO BAD GIRL VIXEN
AND NO RACE MIXIN’
HUSBANDS AND WIVES
IN SEPARATE BEDS
YOU WILL HEED MORALITY’S CALL
WHEN I MAKE HOLLYWOOD CRAWL
I’M THE SHERIFF
I’M THE LAW
MY WORD YOU CAN’T REFUSE
I’M WILLIAM HARRISON HAYS
AND I DON’T TAKE ORDERS FROM JEWS
THIS HOLLYWOOD
THIS DEN OF SIN
NEEDS A HOOSIER LIKE ME
TO REIN IT IN
THIS FESTERING MESS
IS UNTENABLE
AND I WAS ONCE
POSTMASTER GENERAL
WITH CALVINIST GLEE
I’LL DO IT FOR FREE
WATCHING THE EMPIRE FALL
WHEN I MAKE HOLLYWOOD CRAWL
(spoken)
Get on your knees! (But not in the sexy way!)
"Why Did I Write It All Down" — A counterpoint trio (with chorus) sung by Mary, gossip columnist Florabel Muir ("What a Story, What a Break") and Sam Goldwyn ("Vay Iz Mir")
FLORABEL
WHAT A STORY
WHAT A BREAK
PURPLE INK AND
PURPLE PROSE
THIS IS CAVIAR
AND STEAK
AND IT SMELLS
JUST LIKE A ROSE
THE PUBLIC
WILL BE CLAMORING
FOR LURID DETAILS
AND THAT TRANSLATES
INTO BOFFO SALES
NEWSPAPERS MAGAZINES
RADIO AND BOOKS
A FORTUNE MADE
ON THE MISFORTUNE
OF SCHNOOKS
FAMOUS PEOPLE
SCREWING UP IS
MONEY IN THE BANK
A PURPLE PASSION DIARY
AND FAR TOO MANY TO THANK
A SCANDAL MEANS
OUR JOBS ARE SAFE
FOR US THERE
IS NO EQUAL
BLESS YOU MARY ASTOR
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT
A SEQUEL
MARY
WHY DID I DO IT
WHY DID I WRITE IT ALL DOWN
WHAT WAS I THINKING
NOW IT’S ALL OVER TOWN
THE END OF THE WORLD
WITH A SPLASH OF VERMOUTH
A PENALTY FITTING
FOR TELLING THE TRUTH
THE MUSINGS I THOUGHT WERE MY OWN
ARE THE LEAD ON MOVIETONE
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE
BURNED THE THING WHEN I COULD
KEROSENE
AND THEN IT’S COOKED FOR GOOD
FOR A GUY
A DIFFERENT GAME IS PLAYED
IT’S A BOX OF CIGARS
AND A BIG PARADE
I’M NOT A LILITH
AND I’M NOT A CLOWN
SO WHY DID I DO IT
WHY DID I WRITE IT ALL DOWN
CHORUS
WHY DID SHE DO IT
WHY DID SHE WRITE IT ALL DOWN
SHE’S NOT A LILITH
AND SHE’S NOT A CLOWN
MARY
AND NOW IT STINKS
AND NOW IT FLOATS
IT SERVES ME RIGHT
FOR TAKING NOTES
MARY AND CHORUS
WHY DID I/SHE DO IT
WHY DID I/SHE WRITE IT ALL DOWN
GOLDWYN
VAY IZ MIR
OY VAY IZ MIR
I WISH THE
COSSACKS
INSTEAD WERE HERE
WHAT IF ONE OF OUR
LEADING MEN
SCHTUPS LIKE
A FAIGELE
FROM THE CHORUS
IF THAT'S IN
THE DIARY
HEAVEN HELP US
WE'RE AUF TSORIS
VAY IZ MIR
OY VAY IZ MIR
WE'LL BE SITTING SHIVA
TILL THE COAST IS CLEAR
WITH WHAT WE PAY THE GOVERNOR
THAT SHOULD STACK THE DECK
HANDLE THE SCANDAL ALREADY
AND GET OUTTA HERE
WITH THIS DRECK
"Leading Ladies" — Mary's unlikely ally, her Dodsworth co-star Ruth Chatterton, gives her a pep talk before she testifies in court.
RUTH
IF WE'RE MATING
AND BREEDING
AND THEN CONCEDING
ALL THAT'S LEFT
IS A TALENT TO AMUSE
BUT WHEN WE GALS
STICK TOGETHER
DARLING WE CAN'T LOSE
THERE ARE
PUNCHES WE THROW
WITH OUR BRAINS
OUR WORDS ARE
A KICK IN THE PANTS
SO WHY WHEN A GENTLEMAN'S
INTEREST WANES
DO WE GO COQUETTISH
AND DANCE
ALL IT TAKES
TO SMASH
THIS DISPARITY
IS SOME
ESTROGEN FUELED
SOLIDARITY
LEADING LADIES
LADIES LEADING
SHOULDER PAD TO
SHOULDER PAD
SHOWING SOME FIGHT
THEY GOT THE SIZE
BUT WE GOT THE PRIZE
AND I THINK THE
PRAYING MANTIS
GOT IT JUST ABOUT RIGHT
MARY
LEADING LADIES
LADIES LEADING
LEANING ON EACH OTHER
IS WHAT FELLAS DREAD
IF WE GET 'EM BLINKING
WE GET 'EM THINKING
WITH THE WRONG SIZED HEAD
RUTH
ACT THE PART
THAT SETS YOU FREE
BE THE ONE THEY
WANT YOU TO BE
MARY
BY THE TIME THEY
FIGURE A
TRAPS BEEN SET
YOU GET A DRY MARTINI
AND THEY'RE SOAKING WET
RUTH
THE BIGGER THE BLUSTER
THE FULLER THE NAPPY
ASK GENERAL CUSTER
IF HE'S FEELING HAPPY
THEY WANT US HELPLESS
AND SIGHING
(Ruth sighs exaggeratedly)
SERVE IT UP
WITH A SIDE OF LYING
RUTH
(spoken)
Try it.
MARY
What, sighing?
RUTH
Yeah.
MARY
(sighs affectedly)
RUTH
Needs work.
MARY
Well, it’s right in my passaggio.
RUTH
(sung)
LEADING LADIES
LADIES LEADING
MARY
WHITHER THOU GOEST RUTH
I WILL FOLLOW
RUTH
NO SELF PITY
NO NEED TO WALLOW
MARY
HOW MUCH HOLLYWOOD
CAN ONE GAL SWALLOW
RUTH
(spoken)
I'm not touching that one.
BOTH
LEADING LADIES
LADIES LEADING
REVERSING THE WAGES OF SIN
LEADING LADIES
LADIES LEADING
BOTH
DAMN IT KID
LET'S WIN
"So I Draw Her" — Called to the stand in the Courtroom Outside Time & Space, Ed is ordered to explain his "personal" drawings of Mary.
ED
DAMN IT
I DONT HAVE TO DO THIS
I'M AN AMERICAN CITIZEN
FROM THE FUTURE AND
I'M BEYOND YOUR JURISDICTION
BECAUSE THE STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS
HAS RUN OUT
RETROACTIVELY
BACKWARDS
A BEAM OF LIGHT
FROM A PROJECTION BOOTH
BECOMES A MAGIC HIGHWAY
AND THE CIGARETTE SMOKE
TRAVELS FREELY
LIKE IT'S ON THE PULASKY SKYWAY
AND ALL YOU NEED IS POPCORN
AND A CHOCOLATE CANDY BAR
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT
DON'T YOU KNOW IT
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU ARE
SO I DRAW HER
WHEN SHE KILLS A MAN
FOR A BIRD
I DRAW HER
IN A PALM BEACH
STORY ABSURD
THE RELUCTANT WINNER
WHERE THOUSANDS TRY
WITH THAT KINDA LUCK
YOU'D THINK
SHE'D FIND THE RIGHT GUY
IF ONLY HE SAW HER
SO I DRAW HER
PLAYING A MOTHER
PLAYING A VAMP
SO I DRAW HER
AND WHILE THE
CANVAS IS STILL DAMP
I WONDER IF THAT
LITTLE GIRL
WHO SOUGHT
ANOTHER'S FATE
WOULD KINDA LIKE
A GUY LIKE ME
WHO'S THIRTY YEARS
TOO LATE
AND WHEN THE DRAWING'S DONE
BY CANDLELIGHT AND WINE
THERE'S A PART OF HER
THAT FOREVER WILL BE MINE
I DRAW HER
"Georgie S.," a/k/a "The Algonquin Round Table Dick Joke Song" — Does what it says on the tin.
WOOLLCOTT
UPON WHAT MEAT
DOTH THIS OUR GEORGIE FEED
THAT HE HAS GROWN SO FESTIVE
FERBER
HEBRAICALLY BESPECTACLED
AND SPORTING HARRIS TWEED
YET ROMANTICALLY SOMEWHAT RESTIVE
HART
HE CAN FIX A SECOND ACT
WITH WISDOM AND WITH TACT
A GIFT TO HIM
THE HEAVENS DID BEQUEATH
PARKER
AND THE GODS DID NOT STOP THERE
FOR LIFE IS RARELY FAIR
HE’S GOT A SWORD
THAT DOTH EXCEED HIS SHEATH…
WOOLLCOTT, FERBER & HART
(echoing in harmony)
EXCEED HIS SHEATH…
WOOLLCOTT
GEORGIE S.
GEORGIE S.
HAS FOUND HIMSELF THE SUBJECT
OF AN AWFUL MESS
HART
IT SEEMS HE WON A RIBBON
FOR HIS GREAT ROMANCING
AND BOFFO REVIEWS
FOR HORIZONTAL DANCING
ALL FOUR
GEORGIE S.
GEORGIE S.
HART & WOOLLCOTT
THERE’S BIT OF ENVY
THAT WE MUST CONFESS
FERBER & PARKER
CATHERINE THE GREAT
WOULD MARSHAL HER FORCES
TO MEET THE MAN WHO IMITATES
HER FAVORITE HORSES
WOOLLCOTT
WHO LADY GODIVA
HERSELF ENDORSES
ALL FOUR
THAT’S OUR GEORGIE S.
GEORGIE S.
GEORGIE S.
PARKER
BENEFICIARY
OF GREAT LARGESSE
WOOLLCOTT
BESTOWED BY HIGHER POWERS
WITH GIFTS LIKE THIS
FERBER
AND TO KEEP IT IN PERSPECTIVE
HE HAD A BRIS
ALL FOUR
GEORGIE S.
GEORGIE S.
PARKER
AN ANTHROPOMORPHIZED
HYDRAULIC PRESS
WOOLLCOTT
THE WEDDING OF THE MEMBERS
IS ALL THE NEWS
FERBER
AND SOMEWHERE DON GIOVANNI
IS SINGING THE BLUES
HART
AND ZOLA WISHES LADIES
SAID TO HIM “J'ACUSSE”
ALL FOUR
THAT’S OUR GEORGIE S.
PARKER
(spoken)
Mr. Kaufman can’t see you now…
WOOLLCOTT
Why not?
PARKER
He’s otherwise engorged!
HART
I heard he got stopped by the police!
FERBER
Was it a moving violation?
HART
It was highway throbbery!
HART
(sung)
HE CAN WRITE A PLAY
THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH LIKE HELL
WOOLLCOTT
BUT IT SEEMS HE’S GOT A CLAPPER
THAT’S TOO BIG FOR HIS BELL
ALL FOUR
A WIT
A SCHOLAR
AN ALL AROUND SWELL
THAT’S OUR GEORGIE
THAT’S OUR GEORGIE
THAT’S OUR
GEORGIE S.
PARKER
(spoken)
The “S” is for IN-SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSATIABLE!
"Find Your Light" — Mary has figured out what Ed really "has to know."
MARY
I'D LIKE TO SPEAK
TO THE MANAGER
OF YOU
IS IT YOU
OR SOME
MAGICAL ELVES
WHO MAKES THE SCHEDULE
AND ORDERS THE GOODS
IS THE FAULT
IN YOUR STARS
OR ON YOUR SHELVES
WHO CALLS THE SHOTS
YEA OR NAY
IF IT'S YOU
I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY
FIND YOUR LIGHT
STEP INTO IT
AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE SEEN
FIND YOUR LIGHT
GET INTO IT
THERE IS NO
IN BETWEEN
HIDING IN THE SHADOWS
BRINGS DARKNESS AND PAIN
THE LIGHT YOU SEE
CAN SET YOU FREE
UNLESS IT'S AN
ONCOMING TRAIN
FIND YOUR LIGHT
ADD COLOR
AND WATCH YOUR
GARDEN GROW
DANCING IN THE DARK
IS HOW YOU
STUB YOUR TOE
EACH AND EVERY
ONE OF US
STRIVE TO GET IT RIGHT
SO STEP UP
AND FIND YOUR LIGHT
REMEMBER LITTLE EDDIE
HIS SHIRT BOARD
FILLED WITH DREAMS
DRAWING UP A PLAN TO
SET YOU FREE
THEDA BARA
CLARA BOW
IN YOUR NOTEBOOK
ON THE GO
TO SING A SONG
ABOUT DRAWING ME
FIND YOUR LIGHT
IT'S YOURS TO KEEP
AND ALSO YOURS
TO SHARE
FIND YOUR LIGHT
AND SHINEIT EVERYWHERE
WOULD YOU RATHER
BE DIM
OR BRIGHT
LET YOUR MUSE
TAKE FLIGHT
STAKE YOUR CLAIM
AND
FIND YOUR LIGHT
IF YA GOTTA BE
A LUMP OF COAL
MAKE IT ANTHRACITE
SO STEP UP
AND FIND YOUR LIGHT
SO STEP UP
AND FIND YOUR LIGHT
"Puzzles Missing Pieces" — Ed and Mary's farewell duet.
ED:
THIS IS WHO I WAS WHEN I FOUND YOU
WHEN I FOUND YOU IN THE MIRROR
AND THE SUN
NEWSPAPERS UNDER MY LINOLEUM
MARY:
WHAT FUN
AND THIS IS WHO I WAS
WHEN YOU FOUND ME
A SORT OF DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
ED
WHEN A DASHING YOUNG MAN
CROSSES TIME AND SPACE
MARY:
YEAH
MORE OR LESS
BOTH:
PUZZLES MISSING PIECES
MILES AND DECADES BETWEEN
ONE WITH A PEN
ONE WITH A PICTURE
BOTH IN A MAGAZINE
THE LIFE WE GET
AND THE LIFE WE WANT
RARELY IF EVER ALIGN
DOES FREE WILL EQUAL DESTINY
MARY
DOES DESTINY EQUAL DESIGN
BOTH
A KITCHEN FLOOR WAS OPENED
FOR VALENTINES AND FRIENDS
BOTH AND CHORUS:
AND THAT’S HOW ED MET MARY
AND THAT'S HOW OUR STORY ENDS
